10/30/02 Melvin Mouths Off

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The following editorial is brought to you by NPW Commissioner Melvin Shmemptner.

It was August 4th. A Sunday. It was about 11 o'clock in the evening.

We had just finished taping our NPW event for that month, Heatstroke. Our main event pitted old rivals Crisis(formerly Mars) against one of NPW's franchise players, Big Smith. Needless to say, the two were no strangers to each other. The match was signed after Crisis & Zero, having just reformed the 3 Kings with old fave Sweet Jimmy D, jumped Big Smith following the conclusion of Farmland Fallout. Jimmy D. seemingly wanted no part of it. His friends turned on him. Seeing as grudges make good business in this industry, I had made Jimmy D the special guest referee. It was perfect. The fans would get to see their hero, Big Smith, take it to Crisis. That, and the added suspense of having friend-turned-foe Jimmy D in the ring at the same time was sure to be a money maker.

Now, keep in mind, no one expected anything more to happen than Big Smith getting a good piece of Crisis, and seeing the satisfaction on Sweet Jimmy D's face as he made that oh so sweet 1-2-3. It didn't happen. Jimmy D helped Crisis get his shoulder up following the chokeslam. Big Smith became irrate. Crisis, seizing the opportunity, applied the finishing maneuver and cover, and Jimmy D made the count.

The show over, I walked over to Sweet Jimmy D, a big smile etched across his face. My questions and comments were straight and to the point. He listened calmly and quietly to every "How dare you!" and "What were you thinking?" He responded with only 4 words...

Since my appointment as Commissioner of NPW I have learned so much, and understood even more. I walked into this position nearly blind. My knowledge of this promotion was so small. I was so naive. So unprepared for the truth that awaited me. Oh, how blind I was! Thankfully, now, I can finally see.

Next Phase Wrestling is nothing more than a half-assed, half-hearted, small-time, immature, simple-minded, brainless, penniless, thoughtless, talentless, worthless boy's club with a "we're-better-than-everyone" mentality that's worn like a badge of honor on the sleeves of their "Austin 3:16" and Goldberg mark shirts.

The truth, of course, is never pretty. Honesty is never pretty, but thanks to those 4 words Sweet Jimmy D shared with me on that night, I was able to see the ugliness that is NPW. It took awhile. It wasn't instantaneous. Things like this take time, and the time was right at Homecoming Bash. The time was right for NPW to realize what it was. The time is right for everyone to see the truth, and I will help you see it.

And all it took was 4 little words: "What would Marvin think?"


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