12/06/2002 Melvin Mouths Off

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The following editorial is brought to you by NPW Commissioner Melvin Shmemptner.

Yes, its time once again. We are all only a mere handful of days away from putting another NPW event into the history books and I have yet to express my hopes and predictions for the upcoming show. I know you've all been just dying to know what's on ole' Commissioner Shmemptner's mind. Well, thankfully, I'm here to tell ya.

First, I'll just start off by saying how pleased I was with Open Season.

"WHAT?!", you're saying right about now.

Yes, its true. I was forced into a match with Big Smith, which I did lose. Yes, Omega came close to stripping the Unified Hardcore Championship from my best bud Wildkat. And I do recall some mishap in the battle royal for the #1 contendership to the DCW title in which Big Smith and Omega eliminated themselves simultaneous, thereby seemingly we have two #1 contenders. All these facts are indeed true, but one must look at the big picture to truly realize the aftermath of Open Season. Only someone of my foresight and genius could understand, but since its you're lucky day, I'll let you in on my perspective.

While Omega came close, he did not come near close enough. Thanks to the unity of the Kings, we were able to overcome the travesty that would have ensued if Omega had succeeded. We showed NPW that the Kings mean business, just as I showed Big Smith that I meaned business, and that I was willing to get my own hands dirty when the occassions arise. As for the rest of the show, my ingenius booking set NPW on a new course, a course that will take it in directions of my own choosing, of my own design. It's only a first step. Many more will come.

Now that, in typical "Bond villain" form, I've exposed the details of my master plan, let's look at what we can expect at Christmas Slay.

Many of the new guys will get a chance to prove themselves against some of NPW's finest, and I do use the term "finest" loosely. Many of these fine young men come to us from Front Line Wrestling, another federation which I helm. I'm hoping the new blood can continue to shake things up in NPW, cuz, lord knows, these old-timers, and i'm not specifically talking McGee, need to make way for fresher superstars. I'm rooting for upsets.

Wild Bill has managed to do something no other NPW wrestler has ever done: impress me. Not only did he take that prestigious, albeit mediocre, title from that worthless excuse for a wrestler Arnie Ambiguous, but he did it with little regard for whoever got in his way. I hope Enrique knows better now. Maybe someday Wild Bill will be worthy enough to face the legend of Sweet Jimmy D in a DCW title match, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Oh, and I almost forgot. We, apparently, have two #1 contenders for the DCW Championship, a title which my comrade Sweet Jimmy D so deservingly holds. Am I sweating bullets? Not at all. I knew full well the consequences of booking that battle royal and I will take full responsibility for what occurs at Christmas Slay. I guarantee that no one will be prepared for what transpires on the 15th. I'm grinning just thinking about it. As for all of you, wait and see is all I can tell ya.

Marvin would be proud....


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